Tell a lie sometimes
Tell the truth when it suits you
And when you've lost your way
Tell a story
Tell your story
Tell it, tell it
Tell your story
To anyone who'll listen
Tell your story
Don't stop talking
Just tell your story walking
I'm going to sit here with my laptop and write until I have finished a blog post, if it kills me. Most likely it won't kill me, and then I can put some things behind me and move on.
So three weeks into the new job, I had to admit I was miserable and it wasn't going to get better. Last Friday night I came home around 8:30 and cried my eyes out, and it was a huge relief when, with Ryan's support, I decided not to go back.
Simply put, I didn't feel I was getting the training or support I needed to do my job well. I wasn't screwing things up, but the only time I seemed to get feedback was when I did make mistakes. I was assigned a bunch of online courses, and they were very helpful. But I didn't have enough time to work on them because I was so busy working.
I know these all sound like the typical challenges of a new job, but there was also some sort of passive-aggressive undercurrent with the staff members that really baffled me. It came to the surface occasionally, as early as my first couple of days, and it really put me off. I had a hard time seeing myself being part of a team that lacked a basic sense of mutual respect. If they were that way toward each other, what reason did I have to expect anything different for myself?
I don't feel like I'm explaining everything adequately. I know my reasons for leaving are valid, and my friends and family have been nothing but supportive and encouraging.
But what I don't understand is why I still feel so rotten. Being with Ryan helped a lot, but since I left his place on Sunday, I've been in a terrible funk. Why? What have I lost but a few weeks?
Even the kitties can't quite console me.
So telling the story in my blog is the first step, a way to get a foothold on a new path. If I can write it down, maybe I can let it go.
There. I did it!
Now, to change pace...I've been watching The Holiday in the background as I've been writing this. I'm not a chick flick kind of girl, but I find this movie enchanting! It's a great, light-hearted way to contemplate where you are in life and where you're going. I watched it with Jen a couple of years ago, and she said Kate Winslett's character reminded her of me. I am a big fan of Jack Black, who played her romantic interest, and I adore his character in the movie--and besides, Kate Winslett is gorgeous--so I rather liked the comparison.
"See?" she said as the movie ended. "You just need to find your Jack Black."
And I think I have! God knows Ryan is silly enough to fit the bill. I think sometimes he worries that he goes too far, but I adore his antics. I love that he sees the humor in life, and that he can be just as serious and caring as he is silly.
I really don't know what I'd do without him. This latest debacle with my job situation has really knocked me on my ass, as far as self-esteem is concerned, and I find myself wondering if I really deserve him. By admitting how depressed I feel, am I dragging him down? By not getting and keeping a damn job, am I holding him back from all the fun things he'd like for us to do together that we can't afford?
But why dream up problems where there aren't any? He loves me, and he's on my side. I'm a lucky, lucky girl.
Now, it's time to get up and follow the advice Kate Winslett was given in the movie:
It's time to be the leading lady in my own life.
So three weeks into the new job, I had to admit I was miserable and it wasn't going to get better. Last Friday night I came home around 8:30 and cried my eyes out, and it was a huge relief when, with Ryan's support, I decided not to go back.
Simply put, I didn't feel I was getting the training or support I needed to do my job well. I wasn't screwing things up, but the only time I seemed to get feedback was when I did make mistakes. I was assigned a bunch of online courses, and they were very helpful. But I didn't have enough time to work on them because I was so busy working.
I know these all sound like the typical challenges of a new job, but there was also some sort of passive-aggressive undercurrent with the staff members that really baffled me. It came to the surface occasionally, as early as my first couple of days, and it really put me off. I had a hard time seeing myself being part of a team that lacked a basic sense of mutual respect. If they were that way toward each other, what reason did I have to expect anything different for myself?
I don't feel like I'm explaining everything adequately. I know my reasons for leaving are valid, and my friends and family have been nothing but supportive and encouraging.
But what I don't understand is why I still feel so rotten. Being with Ryan helped a lot, but since I left his place on Sunday, I've been in a terrible funk. Why? What have I lost but a few weeks?
Even the kitties can't quite console me.
So telling the story in my blog is the first step, a way to get a foothold on a new path. If I can write it down, maybe I can let it go.
There. I did it!
Now, to change pace...I've been watching The Holiday in the background as I've been writing this. I'm not a chick flick kind of girl, but I find this movie enchanting! It's a great, light-hearted way to contemplate where you are in life and where you're going. I watched it with Jen a couple of years ago, and she said Kate Winslett's character reminded her of me. I am a big fan of Jack Black, who played her romantic interest, and I adore his character in the movie--and besides, Kate Winslett is gorgeous--so I rather liked the comparison.
"See?" she said as the movie ended. "You just need to find your Jack Black."
And I think I have! God knows Ryan is silly enough to fit the bill. I think sometimes he worries that he goes too far, but I adore his antics. I love that he sees the humor in life, and that he can be just as serious and caring as he is silly.
I really don't know what I'd do without him. This latest debacle with my job situation has really knocked me on my ass, as far as self-esteem is concerned, and I find myself wondering if I really deserve him. By admitting how depressed I feel, am I dragging him down? By not getting and keeping a damn job, am I holding him back from all the fun things he'd like for us to do together that we can't afford?
But why dream up problems where there aren't any? He loves me, and he's on my side. I'm a lucky, lucky girl.
Now, it's time to get up and follow the advice Kate Winslett was given in the movie:
It's time to be the leading lady in my own life.
(click image to play song)
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