Stand Still, Look Pretty

Day Three, and the temp job is going well. I'm working in a law office, processing referrals and placing people all over Oklahoma with lawyers to meet their needs. It's fairly simple and straightforward, but complex enough to require some skill and decision-making ability. And I'm helping people, which is nice.

I just can't get over the fact that this low-key job pays so much better than the high-stress nightmare I just came from!

Tonight as I was running errands, I heard a song that took me right back to my depressed days in Pennsylvania.

Sometimes I find myself shaking in the middle of the night

And then it hits me and I can't even believe this is my life

It was nice to look back on those days without feeling the suffocating quiet despair that dominated my life then. Sometimes I truly felt like I was living someone else's life. The only time I felt like my genuine self was when I came back to Oklahoma for visits and when I was at Kitty Cottage; the rest of the time, the real me was buried in work, beer, cat hair and paralyzing depression.

My life is certainly not perfect now (and the cat hair remains), but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm ME again, and I'm home. And if I ever leave home again, I'll be taking along the real me--not some heavy load of other people's expectations.