please pass the Valium

I've been thinking about my job a lot this weekend...some of the time intentionally, but most of the time not. And my thoughts keep circling back to the same two contradicting conclusions:

1. I cannot thrive in that environment. I need to work for someone who wants to see me develop, in a general career path or at the very least in the job I'm doing. I need a boss who will let me earn respect and trust, who will use my mistakes as opportunities to help me get better at my job, and who will make time to talk when I have important questions or concerns. These things aren't going to happen as long as I'm working for this woman.

2. I need to stick with this job for the benefits and the experience and the steady paycheck....for now. I can look for something better, but I can't quit until that something comes along. In other words, I'm sort of stuck. Just like I didn't want to be.

Time for a TV Guide check: nope, still not sorry I left. But that job set expectations for management and teamwork that I'm afraid no one will ever meet again. And that kinda frightens me.

Now that I'm in this for the long(er) term, I should start digging in and doing what comes naturally to me...organizing things, getting stuff done and generally kicking ass. I was getting there, but last week's setbacks completely zapped my motivation, and I need some sort of attitude adjustment. I think I need to remove my focus from criticizing my boss's management skills and concentrate on proving myself. Duh.

I don't have to bend over backwards or perform miracles; I just need to be myself and do it well. And quit letting this shit follow me home.

And keep looking for better opportunities...


p.s. That woman didn't approve my time card Friday afternoon, as she insisted she'd be doing from now on. She didn't even stick to her plan for one week. So I have to remind her to do it in the morning, when she supposedly won't have time.