success IS the only option, right?

I just sent resumes to three more places, one of which could be the job of my dreams. It's a large no-kill animal sanctuary in Edmond, OK, and I've been too nervous to contact them until now. Because if they don't want me, all my dreams could be smashed to pieces!

Okay, I know that's a bit dramatic. But I have been shaking ever since I hit the send button, and I needed to vent.

It's clear why I've put off looking for a job until now: it's highly nerve-wracking! But hopefully getting started was the hardest part; surely this won't be the death of me.

I need to stop reading so many books and other advice on cover letters and interviews...all the different (and sometimes conflicting) rules have me so overwhelmed I'm practicallly paralyzed. I think the only way I can survive this is to relax, be myself and kick ass in the way only I can.

Oh, I need a thrifting fix to calm my nerves...

goodwill hunting

I have a new addiction: thrift store shopping. Lately I can't seem to go a day without it and, as I'm still unemployed, I have plenty of time. Ryan got me hooked, and he's been sharing all his knowledge about selling clothes on ebay. So that's what I do these days...I buy clothes I'll never wear and hope to make money selling them to someone who will. Hope is the operative word at this point...I have the shopping part pretty well figured out, but I have yet to make myself sit still and concentrate long enough to list some stuff on ebay.

Today, for some reason, was a great day. My thrifting ventures were fruitless, but the weather was gorgeous. The sun was shining, the sky was blue and the temp was mild. At one point I found myself driving around with the sunroof open, sipping Pepsi and eating beef jerky and singing along to a Toni Braxton song I'd forgotten ever existed. This was when I realized that-- without even leaving town--I had managed to step outside of the family stress and the unemployment angst and was feeling quite content.

I really need to get a job, though. The money will run out soon, and besides that I'm anxious to move to OKC so I can spend time with Ryan without abandoning my cats.

Tonight I applied for two jobs, and I have another one or two on deck for tomorrow. Let me tell you, openings for cat wrangling gigs are few and far between!

But, as Eminem says, success is my only motherfucking option.

Otherwise, I have to keep living with my parents.

I finally broke down and emailed my sister over the weekend, and she responded with a stream of nonsense that somehow nearly convinced me I'm the crazy one. That's what she does, and that's why it's pointless to argue with her. It's also why she'll probably be a decent lawyer.

She did admit to being belligerent and offered a feeble apology, but that was buried in a bunch of accusations that I am hateful and resentful and that my lack of excitement about her wedding makes her uncomfortable. Whatever.

It all just proves my sister doesn't know me at all...not only did she have NO CLUE (nor did she ask) what I thought about anything the day she went off the deep end, but she's also surprised that I'm not excited about a wedding. Since when do I get excited about weddings?

So I guess she wins...if it's possible for anyone to win here. She's too stubborn and out of touch for me to get through to her, and I don't want to let this crap interfere with her wedding or ruin what little bit of a relationship we have.

But, God help me, I've got to move out of here before she graduates, because I think she's planning to live at my parents' house for the month leading up to the wedding!