I'm having a very lazy weekend--home alone with nothing to do except some much-needed cleaning. So naturally, I'm suddenly very interested in blogging.
Life has shifted into a different gear of late, I can't really say things are better or worse. Work is going fine, and I still feel I'm in a place I could happily stay for a while--though I have concluded I don't love being an administrative assistant and probably never will.
I am angling for another promotion that would be a solid step closer to the professional level. We had a couple of openings when one person left the department and another was promoted. The first opening was filled by a guy whose previous position was eliminated. I was quite relieved to learn that for him this was considered a lateral move and he did not get a raise, because I work circles around the guy on a daily basis. The other position is still open, and there seems to be some mysterious delay in filling it.
My supervisor's words were "I am facing a lot of complex staffing issues, so I can't make any promises, but I am definitely keeping you in mind." Not very encouraging, but I'm holding out hope.
We're undergoing several huge changes right now: our manager retired, and my former supervisor was promoted to replace him; our Denver office is being consolidated with Tulsa, so we have a few people relocating and several more needing to be replaced; we are in the middle of moving the entire department to a different floor; and our department is in early stages of spinning off into its own company. Any of these changes alone would be a big transition, and they're all happening at once. I must say everyone as a whole is handling the stress surprisingly well.
I must also say that I absolutely hate moving!
On to a sadder topic, I lost my old girl Sunshine about a month ago. She was wasting away, and the days she seemed to enjoy life were getting fewer and farther between. So the vet came to our house and put her to sleep peacefully while I held her in my arms. I try not to remember those last moments too often, but when I do remember, I'm stunned that I was able to do it.
I was strong for her, and when it was over I felt relief for her. But for me, there was just a big hole left behind. Sometimes it felt like there was a physical hole right in the middle of my chest. I'm getting past the shock now, but I still think of her every single day, and I never go to bed at night without noticing she's not next to me.
There is a lot of comfort in the fact that I'm able to focus more attention on my three boys now. I really felt like I was neglecting them over the last several months, but now they sleep with me every night and I don't have to divide my attention between different cats in different rooms. It's an adjustment, going from sharing a bed with a quiet, elderly female cat to sharing it with three big, rambunctious tabbies. But I'm so grateful to have them!
Back to Sunshine, I am proud to say that she put up a hell of a fight against that nasty cancer. And she still had some fight left in her at the end. The vet had to give her a sedative before the sedative so they could put in an IV, and I held her, wrapped in a towel, while the first sedative took effect. My feisty girl growled quietly until she couldn't growl anymore, making me laugh through my tears.
I am still searching for just the right tribute to her...nothing seems quite fitting. I certainly don't have it in me yet to put into writing everything she means to me. But for now I keep a picture of her by my bed, right next to where she used to sleep.
And I will always carry a little bit of Sunshine--especially her stormy side--in my heart.
